Decisions have lasting consequences
My decision has lasting consequences.
Big or small, my decisions have lasting consequences. A decision I made today can impact my life for years to come.
In October, God reminded me that a decision I made 3 years ago to propose to my wife would have an impact for the rest of my life. My wife accepted my proposal because I have been married for 2 years. That decision also forces me to think deeply and plan thoughtfully for every holiday, so all the family members are satisfied with the time I spend with them. I know it is never enough time, but I tried my best.
As I consider the decisions I make each day, I also realize that decisions are easier if I have a firm grasp of my identity. If I hold on to my identity as a husband, it is easier for me to decide to turn on do not disturb when I get home so that I can focus my attention on my wife. When I hold on to my identity as a husband, it is easier for me to decide between watching TV and doing chores because I am now responsible for one other person in my life. My identity informs me how I should make decisions. Interestingly, the decisions I make inform me of what matters to me, and thus strengthen my identity, creating a feedback loop. I am the decisions I make, and I make decisions based on who I am.
However, when I am less confident about who I am, the decisions become harder. Suddenly, all the options weigh evenly. I am more likely to make decisions that I will regret later. When I didn’t have a clear vision of how I should show up at work, every email, every request, and every conversation felt equally important. But if I know that I must work on that ONE important project because that’s what a Head of School does, then I am less confused about what I need to do. When I do the most important thing, I experience positive consequences, such as feeling fulfilled and accomplished. But when I allow the day's chaos to take over, I end the day with frustration and dissatisfaction with my work, which often accompanies me home, which causes further frustration with my wife.
Every decision I make has lasting consequences because it impacts my identity.
Knowing the relationship between decisions and identities, I have gained more awareness over these past few weeks on how I make my decisions and what decisions I make; I find it helpful that whenever I feel stuck with a decision, I start journaling. My journal has been a great source of relief. It is a place where I can pour out my thoughts without feeling judged. I can weigh out the option, and I have created journaling prompts such as, “who are you, and what will you do?” This question helps me focus on my identity and reaffirm who I am. Surprisingly, when I say to myself I am a Christ follower. It doesn’t help too much with my decision-making. So I am now adding the characters of Christ to help me ground myself better when I answer the who I am questioning. I may say that I am a Christ follower who is kind, and then I can decide to be more patient when someone interrupts me or drags on in a meeting. Knowing who I am helped me make decisions; every decision is important because it has a lasting impact.
It becomes a habit when I make similar decisions over and over again. If I want better habits, then I have to make better decisions over and over again. With that, I will decide to “pause” here so I can wrap up my day and spend time with my wife because I am her husband.
