Parenting Living Organisms: 5 Tips for Growing Your Child
In the 18th Century, the Industrial Revolution began in Great Britain, where machine manufacturing increased production speed. But the Industrial Revolution didn't just change the way goods were produced; it also changed the way society was structured.
In a factory system, there is a division of labor, and people gain specialized skills. There is an increase in the development of transportation and communication. There is also an increase in the application of science to industry.
This change also affected the school system. The need for competent workers increased during this period, so many training schools were established. Since there are more specialized areas, students need to specialize in different fields of profession. Education was then made mandatory to increase the population's ability to grow and meet the demands of this era.
This mass education impacted the way children were perceived. Children were viewed as part of a pyramid. Starting at the bottom, everyone received elementary education. Everyone learned the same thing at the same time. Then the selected few went on to secondary education, and a very small group of students went on to higher education. This mass education was designed to mold children into a specific type of people who met certain requirements and could comply with the demands of specific rules and standards.
As a result, many parents brought the same mentality into their homes. They trained their children in the same way they managed a factory, linearly. So many parenting books focus on what each child should be able to achieve at different milestones. So much advice focused on what the parents must do to produce the child they want. They saw raising children as a linear process. They used the formula: age + education + discipline = obedient child.
This approach to parenting has a unique problem. There is a core issue that plagues parenting, and that is every individual is unique.
Each child is unique. They have unique personalities, gifting, wiring, and tendencies. Your child is a living, breathing organism. Your child is not a machine. You cannot feed your child into the machine conveyer belt and expect your child to be just like other children.
Linear parenting thinking will limit your child, stunt their growth, and ultimately turn them against you.
To help your living, and breathing child grow, you must first treat them as a living and breathing child. Meaning you must care for them as individuals.
Here are 5 tips to start building an environment that allows living organisms to thrive:
Setting a physical boundary: a garden needs a fence around it. To protect the plants from harm and also allow the plants to grow up to the boundary. Establish a physical boundary for your child. Give a limit to where the child can roam around freely. God did the same thing with people. He created a garden and allowed the people to eat from any tree, except for the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.
Water it: every garden needs water. Water the garden by giving your child positive reinforcement. Praise your child for displaying positive social behaviors over and over again. Do it frequently and do it inconsistently. Don’t praise your child every other time, but space them out differently so they can’t anticipate your praise.
Give it some sun: every child needs to feel the sun on their face. Knowing that their parents love them because they are their parents, not because of their actions, helps them to grow securely in who they are. Separate the person from the action. Love the person, and discipline the action.
Let your child keep and work the garden: let your child take ownership of a specific space or area of responsibility. They will probably not do it as well as you would have, but they are doing it because it is theirs. This is how they grow in the garden. Let them clean up their own mess, let them put away their own dishes, and let them try and fail and try again.
Remind them over and over again: unlike a machine, living people forget how things work. That’s why people make mistakes. It isn’t because people want to mess things up, but because they simply forget the expectations. The Apostle wrote to the people in Corinth, to Timothy, and to Titus, reminding them of the gospel over and over again. Apostle Peter also wrote in his letters, “Therefore I intend always to remind you of these qualities, though you know them and are established in the truth that you have.” (2 Peter 1:12). Your kids need to be reminded. You can’t tell them once and expect them to remember for the rest of their lives.
Unlike machines or conveyer belts, growing your child isn’t linear. You will experience setbacks, complications, frustrations, disappointments, and surprises. Be reminded that you are growing a living organism, not producing a product in a factory.
