Bring your family closer with family meetings.
Have you ever felt like there is not enough time to solve problems in your relationships? You know there are problems, but everyone seems so busy. There is a gnawing feeling that problems are to be solved, but no one has time to solve them.
The problems build over time, one on top of another, and you either implode and do something damaging internally or explode and hurt those around you. Sometimes it is communication issues where you can’t seem to get through to the other person. Sometimes is the feeling of hurt and feel under-appreciated. You have done so much for your family, and no one seemed to care about you. You can feel discouraged when you try to bring the family together to do something fun or build a relationship, but you get many complaints instead.
The people around you are different, and there will be problems. This requires people to come together as a family to put these issues on the table and solve them.
A regular family meeting can help your family form stronger bonds, alignments, and open communication channels. This should be weekly for 20-60 minutes, depending on the age of your children. This is also helpful for couples
What do you do in a meeting?
Appreciate one another.
Each family member brings something unique to the table. They have unique personalities, strengths, and gifts that can help other family members, making the family stronger.
So start your meeting by appreciating one another. Name something concrete that a family member did over the week, and thank them for performing that action.
To teach younger children to appreciate one another, give them the sentence structure, “thank you ______ (the person) for ______.” It can be really simple things such as making food, taking them to school, play with them. The purpose is to build a habit of appreciation.
Address Issues
Don’t address issues when people are emotional. Bring the issues to the family meeting. Have the person who feels this is an issue clearly state the issues and explain why this is an issue.
Instead of responding to a particular incident or issue, ask the entire family what we can do to solve this issue. Brainstorm all possible solutions first, then evaluate the solutions. Then decide how to move forward. In addition to solving the problem, you are teaching your kids the appropriate steps to problem solving: identify the problem, brainstorm possibilities, evaluate, decide, and act.
Accept Responsibilities
The success of the family requires all family members to accept responsibility for the well-being of the family. Name the chores and tasks that need to be done for the family to thrive. This is a place to list out chores and commitments and ask each member to pick which tasks they will do this week to move the family forward. To make this successful, have the younger one go first, and the older members of the family can take on more responsibility.
Note for parents: If your child picked a responsibility that is a little bit outside of their comfort zone, let them try. If they can accomplish 70% of what you would have accomplished, trust them with a little bit of responsibility. It might not be perfect, but they will be learning to take on more responsibilities in the family.
Anticipate fun
What brings a family together isn’t chores or solving problems. It is having fun together as a family. In your family, decide what is something fun that your family would do together. This could be going out for a meal, getting ice cream on a particular evening, outings like the park or the library, or building something together. Think of something that your family would enjoy doing together.
Note for parents: let your children take turns coming up with something fun for them. This is a great way for the family to learn each other’s preferences and show up for one another even though you yourself may not like the activity.
For Christians, this is a great time to pray with your children. Give God thanks for each person in the family (Appreciate) and give you the wisdom to problem solve (Address Issues). Ask God for strength to perform the task this week (Accept Responsibility) and ask God to bring you closer (Anticipate Fun).
Life isn’t perfect, and these meetings will not be perfect either. When you start building a habit of meeting regularly with your family, you will begin to feel closer to one another. Keep trying and keep encouraging your family to meet weekly as a family.
For additional resources, You can use Gottman Institute’s “State of the Union for Couples” framework or “The Message” to work on connecting with your family members.
