There is so much more than this.

I was sitting across a man not too long ago. I thought it would be a simple conversation, and the conversation went smoothly. As the conversation continued, I noticed the man’s body language had shifted. The man begins to move his body around like he can’t sit still. He looked at his watch a few times. His responses went from thoughtful to simple acknowledgment. It wasn’t until I asked, “I noticed your energy shifted. What is going on?” that the man began to share some things about him that I had never guessed it.

His business isn’t doing too well, his kids aren’t doing so well in school, and his wife is constantly working. They can’t find time to be together, and they still have difficulty making ends meet.

I had no idea. Here I am, sitting, wondering what is going on with him. How can he be distracted when we are talking about something very important? I failed to recognize that so many other aspects of his life affect the quality of our conversation.

Each person you encounter has multiple facets. Some you are aware of, and some you do not. It is easy to judge someone’s performance or quality based on what you observed in your interaction with this person. It is easy to assume that everything else is fine because you do not get to interact with other parts of the person’s life. But those other parts affect the person sitting in front of you. At any given time, there are so many things that can distract a person. Their relationships, jobs, finances, future plans, obligations, and so much more.

When someone is not doing so well in one area of their lives, such as their job, maybe there is something else going on that need to be acknowledged. With an understanding, you can be more empathetic toward the person sitting across from you. That person could be your spouse, your parents, your kids, your in-laws, your colleague, or your boss. Each person is so unique and complex. It takes curiosity to get to know them.

You are also complex. So when someone asks you how you are doing or tries to help you express other parts of yourself. Don’t be shy. Be wise about what you share, but cautiously let other people in, so they can get to know you as a complex person rather than someone who only has one dimension.